


one friend

by allurfavesaretrans



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Unrequited Love, anyway this is just some good old fashioned kleinsen angst, disrespectful mentions of suicide, hey there im the gnomeo and juliet vore author i promise i actually write stuff, jared being a general ass at times, shrug emoji, starts in pre-k/kindergarten and ends sometime after good for you, this is mega structured n dumb whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 03:40:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allurfavesaretrans/pseuds/allurfavesaretrans
Summary: Jared Kleinman had one friend.Don't be confused, he had a lot of acquaintances. He knew people. He had a group he'd sit at lunch with and people to talk to in classes. He was involved in some clubs and some school events. But he didn't really have actual friends, except one.Evan Hansen.





	one friend

Jared Kleinman had one friend.

Don't be confused, he had a lot of acquaintances. He knew people. He had a group he'd sit at lunch with and people to talk to in classes. He was involved in some clubs and some school events. But he didn't really have actual friends, except one.

_”I-I’m Evan… M-My mom said w-we could be friends?”_

Evan Hansen.  
He had met Evan when they were very little. Evan had been a constant. Whenever Jared's mom and him had a fight, or he had a bad day at school, Evan had always been there with his toy trucks and his crooked smile. Evan was his friend. He wasn't a cool kid, no, his stutter and his interest in botany only giving him the fleeting popularity of being the “Weird Kid.” But that didn't matter to Jared, not at all, because at the end of the day the kids who made fun of him weren't there when Evan was. The choice of where to side was obvious.

_“Stop talking about him like that. He's my friend.”_

...Until it wasn't.  
Middle school is a dark time for everyone. You have the kids who darken their eyeliner and flip off their parents. You have the kids who dress in blinding colors and say “nya” after every sentence. You have the kids trying to be cool. You have the kids discovering themselves.  
And worst of all, you have combinations of these.  
Jared wanted to be cool. He needed to be cool. It was something deep seated in him, a desperate reaching for anyone to laugh at his jokes or smile at him in the hallway or high five him at lunch. And Evan was holding him down. Evan was the Weird Kid, and that suddenly became not okay. He stuttered more now, and bit his lip and fussed with the hem of his shirt until it started to fray. He was silent and nervous and always looked a little sweaty. And Jared kept feeling a painful pound deep in his chest when Evan looked at him a certain way or smiled his stupid crooked Evan smile or said something absolutely ridiculously endearing.  
Jared needed to be cool. This wasn't cool.

_“I know, right? My mom makes me hang out with him. Trust me, that nerd is even weirder than you think.”_

High school didn't fare much better.  
By junior year he knew the “my mom made me” excuse wasn't going to fly anymore, so he changed tactics once he got his car. If he hung out with Evan, he got car insurance. Completely true, he swears. Because why else would he be around Evan? Evan doesn't have anything to offer Jared. He's even more into trees now, taking up park ranger jobs over the summer and acing biology tests and always disappearing on Tuesday nights. He has a container of pills in his locker and eats lunch in the bathroom and sometimes vanishes for the second half of the day. He's got a resting kicked puppy face and still bites his lip and Jared hasn't seen him smile in a long time and he doesn't know what to do or how to feel about it.  
Because his heart doesn't pound and his face doesn't flush and his head never spins when Evan tilts his head just so and grins, his small tooth gap and scrunched nose and freckles dotting his cheeks making him even more endearing. They don't.  
Please. They don't.

_”Make sure to tell your mom I was nice to you, okay? I need that car insurance money.”_

Evan is different when senior year starts. He has a cast on his arm and a dark look in his eye. Jared meets him at his locker and makes a joke about his crush on Zoe Murphy, ignoring the bitter wave of jealousy that curls around him as he does so. He asks about the cast with thickly veiled concern, and then proceeds to laugh instead of cry when Evan rambles about the humor of his situation.  
But it's not funny. At all.

_”What are you, an acorn?”_

Jared feels guilty when he learns about Connor Murphy.  
He knows he's not the sole reason for the other boys suicide. But he could be part of the reason. It’s true he doesn't hold ill will towards Connor, he just… Can't ever keep his mouth shut. And his big mouth could have had a hand in a teenage boy's death.  
Jesus Christ.  
He pushes it down when Evan calls. He pushes everything down when Evan calls. He listens to the situation and makes jokes at the others expanse and gives him shitty, shitty advice. Evan’s voice is shaking in the way that makes Jared want to pull him close and tell him to calm down and breath with him- but he can't do that. So he talks and waits.  
When Evan comes back and had definitely not followed his advice, he still agrees to help even though he is sure this will go down in flames.  
After this, there's no more excuses. Jared Kleinman is head over heels in love with his best friend Evan Hansen, who has a crush on Zoe Murphy and is probably straight and probably thinks Jared regards him as nothing but dirt- because that's how he treats him.  
Jared leans back in his chair when Evan hangs up, puts a pillow over his face, and then screams into it until his mom knocks to ask what's wrong. He makes up an excuse and a joke and starts googling how to backdate emails.  
Because he's fucking smitten.

_”It's just backdating emails. Easy. Don't stress too hard about it, Acorn.”_

Jared Kleinman is drowning in a web of lies that he doesn't want to be caught in.  
It was going well. Evan had started The Connor Project and gave his speech with a confidence in his eye that made Jared’s knees weak. He's different now, more confident and smiling and taking Zoe Murphy’s hand as he walks out the band hall.  
Jared can't stand it. He wants that stupid crooked Evan smile directed at him.  
But overall, it goes well. He seems to be getting closer with Alana. The Connor Project is raising plenty of money. And Evan has stopped talking to him.  
Fuck it. It's going terribly. And all he can do is watch as the boy he loves stumbles and falls and rolls down the hill of his own lies, and he's too fucking stubborn to reach a hand out to help him.  
Typical.  


_”I think the only reason you hang around me, Jared, is because you don't have any other friends!”_

Jared is crying into a pillow and his glasses are discarded on the desk and he has never felt more alone then now. Evan was gone. Evan had Zoe and the Murphy's. Evan had his mom and Alana. Evan had everyone who approached him after the speech and exchanged numbers. Evan had everything he needed.  
It hurt to know Evan didn't need Jared nearly as much as Jared needs him.

_**”Fuck you, Evan! Asshole!”** _

Jared Kleinman has zero friends.

**Author's Note:**

> sowwy
> 
> anyway hi if youve seen that gnomeo and juliet vore post floating around- yes thats me! hello! i can actually write serious stuff sometimes. whoops.
> 
> anyway i love jared kleinman and the waver in his voice when he says "asshole" in good for you inspired this  
> please leave me a comment i am very lonely


End file.
